Squish?!

Last night I was feeling my productivity oats. I thought I would get a few loads of laundry in to help Mr. Unreserved get a jump on things. (Friday is when he usually does laundry.) Now hold up before you go thinking, ascariasis “Who does she think she is, illness doesn’t she wear clothes, disinfection too? Why is she “helping” Mr. Unreserved?” keep in mind that Mr. Unreserved is usually home doing laundry on Fridays while I am at work. He does his job, I do mine. We are an equal opportunity household. He doesn’t ask me to do laundry, I don’t ask him to calculate optimized stoichiometry for acid catalyzed couplings.

As I was saying, I went down to the basement to put in a load of whites. And while I was doing so, I noticed the rug in front of the washing machine sounded wrong. The fact that it sounded at all was not a good sign. Rugs are ideally quiet.
This rug said, “Squish.”

Squish?

I moved my feet around.

Squish!

I felt the rug. It was water-logged.

Bring in the scientific method!
Observation: The rug is soaked.
Hypothesis: The rug is soaked because there is a source of leaking water.
Predictions: The soaked rug is related to the fact that Mr. Unreserved had done a load of towels and a load of jeans earlier that day. Therefore the source is most likely the washing machine. Either the laundry tub that the machine drains into is clogged, the drain hose is loose at the back of the machine, or evil things are happening in the sewage lines that the whole mess empties into.
Experiments:
1. Observe the running washing machine. The hose was emptying into the wash tub, so it wasn’t a hose disconnect.
2. Examine the wash tub. No clog.
=cue ominous music=
3. Fill washing machine. Drain washing machine. Observe water backing up from the drain pipe that the wash tub connects to, as well as the floor drain up the line from that. Jump out of the way of rapidly expanding pond in basement.
=insert Psycho knife slashing music here=

Swear vigorously. Conclusion: F*ck. There’s something new and excitingly wrong with the sewage line. Sewage line. . . sewage line. . . I seem to remember something about sewage lines at Chez Unreserved. Oh! Yes! They were supposed to be FIXED COMPLETELY at GREAT EXPENSE two weeks ago.

See, here’s the kicker. There are two main lines in the house – the first being the one that the bathroom, sink, and dishwasher drain into. It goes merrily out of the house where it connects with the second line, the one that the laundry tub, washing machine, and basement floor drain empty into. They meet up at a shiny new gold lined gem encrusted (on the outside so as not to impede flow) union, whereupon they follow the new platinum piping through the trap, down the brand new titanium line under my mangled driveway and into the sewage main. (all materials are assumed based on the cost of aforementioned repairs)

So Mr. Unreserved and I stood staring and cussing at the burbling pond, wondering what new and expensive troubles we’re looking at. Staring at a pond so long made nature call. I went upstairs and answered. I flushed.
Mr. Unreserved yelled, “Did you just flush?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Because the water level just came UP over here.”
We repeated the experiment (well, the flushing portion of it). The water level rose again.

Considering that the toilet is on a different line than the laundry facilities, we suspect that all is not well in the magical land of new sewage piping. Which is extra weird considering that laundry was done last week (after the repairs were complete) without incident. The answering service for the repair company promised that someone would be out first thing this morning. Also the gutter guys are back to finish the gutter job.

So I write to ask you if you live in the greater Pittsburgh area, and you happen to have a spare goat* lying around that you don’t need, could I please have it? You see we need to make a sacrifice to the sewage gods, and finances being what they are, and what with all of last month’s sacrifices, we’re fresh out.

*Before I get e-mails from angry goat lobyists, I would never do such a thing. Really. If I had, I wouldn’t have had to have my sewage lines fixed, would I? Have you hugged a goat today?

2 thoughts on “Squish?!

  1. I’m fresh out of goats. If you need an altar, though, I think my DBF has three spare ones in the basement, a vanity, a set of tires for a VW Golf, a water heater.. Oh wait! We do have a spare herd of goats, too! They were behind the Christmas decorations!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>